my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
