remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
