on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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