My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
