Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
