Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
