I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
