I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
