What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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