Is it normal to miss your booty call?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
