Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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