you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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