WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
