my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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