My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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