are you so shy because you have an std?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
