We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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