We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
