just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
