im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
3 2 1 whiskey
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
