you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
