We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I love having hate sex.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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