Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
