i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
