fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
