Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Everclear isn't food dammit
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
