Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
