he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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