im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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