so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
