the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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