quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
