I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
