I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
