That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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