Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
