What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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