i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
