Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
