Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
