I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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