At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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