I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
