There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
