Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
