remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
