so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
