Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
