Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
