The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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