I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You brought string cheese to the strip club
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I want a musical about memes.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
