i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
