would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Randomize
