I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
