So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
time to smoke my breakfast
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
