I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
