The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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